Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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