When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
