i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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