I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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