Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
