I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
