I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
