I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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