the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
