told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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