I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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