He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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