it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
