she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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