Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
