remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
