Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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