He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
