She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
