I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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