they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
