it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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