my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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