i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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