someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize