we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
