EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
