Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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