Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
