Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
