Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
