that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
