I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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