wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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