So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
