i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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