Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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