The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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