He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
