Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
