Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Vodka?
Forever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
