im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
