In the future we'll all be gay
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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