She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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