i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Come share oat with me in your robe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
