I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
