just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Alive.
So much puke
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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