Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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