I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
