Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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