Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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