my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
