im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
