The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
