I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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