You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
