yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This toilet bowl is my home.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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