Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
