I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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